Release by Jina Wallwork
I thought I would learn to hate. I imagined that cruelty would contain the power needed to modify my emotions, but the persistence of these feelings is overwhelming. They don’t yield to the pain that has been inflicted. I’ve been told that love can easily turn to hate, and there were times when I would ask for that experience. Stagnation rules my world and I can do nothing to overthrow this dictator. I want to yell and scream as I spit venom, but I’m a slave to my emotions and I can’t express something that I don’t feel. The world is full of people, yet my emotions cling to her. Why does love connect me to an experience that leads me to my own suffering.
I’ve questioned the value of love, and I pray that wisdom exists within the connections that love has chosen for me. Love has its own authority and I can’t fight it. I once imagined that love had caged me to this experience because I still have something to learn from this circumstance. I believed that once I had gained a greater wisdom my feelings would change. I imagined that love would guide me down a new path so I could discover something new. I imagined distant lands and new faces, yet my feelings continued to tie me to the earth.
People can’t change their emotions. We are a witness to our own passion and that heat is not summoned by reason or intellect. I can’t change my feelings because the experience is unpleasant or I’m treated unjustly. I’ve learned to fly above this conflict and sorrow. I’ve spread my wings and now I can see things from a new perspective. My feelings don’t need to change. Love doesn’t need to change its shape. I can’t sculpt my emotions into something new. I must let go of my desire to control what is beyond my power. I must except this love for what it is.
We often love people who cause us great suffering. It's a part of love that is unavoidable. You might struggle to see any value in the experience, but it will still occur. If you squeeze every drop of wisdom from the experience then it will nurture a perspective where you can see value in all things. We all react differently to the challenges that we face. Love encourages us to step forward and face our greatest challenges.
Every human life ends with death and we are left to grieve. Every person inflicts suffering on others whether they choose to or not. There is no pain like grieving the loss of someone who filled your life with love and joy. It is the kindest of hearts that cause the most suffering. If we love a person who has a cruel heart then it is merely an introduction to love. The pain caused is miniscule when compared to losing someone who knows how to give and receive love. They take your love and then it is interwoven with their own. A shared love is precious and once it’s lost the pain is immense.
When our passion leads us to a cruel person, we become angry with love. In those circumstances love is highlighting the easiest path we could take. Love can’t be cruel because it’s not in its nature. Love knows the pain that we experience and it is giving us the choice. If you welcome a greater love into your life then it will involve a greater degree of suffering. The choice has always been yours. If you choose a greater love then you must accept the consequences. It’s a complete experience.